yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
