I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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