All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My ATM looks so different sober.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
