Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
