I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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