new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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