Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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