doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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