the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
my phone needs a breathalizer
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
