Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
