Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
