yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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