Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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