Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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