He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
