woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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