I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
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