4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
