i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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