I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
