He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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