I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
