dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
