You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
