we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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