It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
