she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
