His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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