3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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