is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
