i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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