i would punch a child for taco bell
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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