I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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