I accidentally burped into my bong.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
