Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Randomize
