chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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