im drinking this country out of the recession.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
