He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
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The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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