Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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