Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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