Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
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plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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