can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't turn off my feet"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
