Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
