I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize