Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
