I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
