Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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