He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
