I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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