Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
