The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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