i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
