I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
