You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Drake has all the answers
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
