im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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