hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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