Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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