I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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