The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Send help, water and tortillas.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
