i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
