i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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