He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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