god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
