Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
