Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
