ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
