And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
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He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
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She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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