i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
