do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Holy sore nipples Batman
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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