I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
