writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
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It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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