I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
