Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
