I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
you inspire me to be a worse person
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
