My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize