The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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