so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
