Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.