i already hear my dad disowning me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
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I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture