My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.