I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
