i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.