i don't like sucking hair
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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