I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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