11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow