In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Well I just put wine in my tea
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.