I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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